Girl Scout Cookies Cause Global Warming

I refuse to eat Girl Scout cookies (GSC) because a new study indicates that these cookies are now a leading cause of Global Warming.

Don’t take it from me; listen to the experts:

Some guy in some lab in some institute in Washington had this to say: “Pollution is one of the biggest man-made problems. Burning fossil fuels is one thing that causes pollution. Fossil fuels are fuels made of organic matter such as coal, or oil. When fossil fuels are burned they give off a green house gas called CO2. Girl Scout cookies are made with oil.”

Al Gore had this to say: “Another major man-made cause of Global Warming is population. More people means more Girl Scout cookies, and more methods of transportation to distribute those Girl Scout cookies. The more sales of Girl Scout cookies, the more distribution, the more damage we do to increase the threat of Global Warming.”

The stats speak for themselves:

– 20% increase of America’s carbon dioxide emissions from Girl Scout cookies since 1990.
– 15% increase of America’s carbon dioxide emissions forecasted by 2020 if we do not cap the sale of Girl Scout cookies.
– 80% decrease in Girl Scout cookies required by 2050 to prevent the worst consequences of global warming.

I have posted signs all around the office to inform the uninformed and promote this critical environmental cause.

Although my efforts to obliterate GSC sales every year tend to be very successful on my floor, there are still those who somehow ignore my slashed Double Stuff Oreo prices and still pay full price for Samoas and Thin Mints to support whatever cause these little girls are peddling. And that’s what bothers me the most. It’s not the little girls doing the selling; it’s their parents bothering me at work so that their daughters don’t have to do the work.

For those who actually bought GSC, their orders have arrived. Well, I for one cannot idly stand by and let them enjoy eating those cookies, so I have decided to create some hysteria and controversy. Apart from religion, the easiest way to control people with guilt and panic is to attach global warming to whatever you want to ban.

Feel free to try this at your place of employment. Works like a charm.