As The Cookie Crumbles, So Do My Excuses

Several weeks ago, I was at home alone when the doorbell rang. I answered the door to find representatives from a local Girl Scout troop doing what they do so well; selling Girl Scout cookies.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was not home so danger was not lurking behind the living room curtains. When Girl Scouts come selling cookies, I am cookie dough in their fund-raising hands.

“Hello, mister,” they chimed, “We’re selling cookies to raise money for… ” I immediately interrupted and exclaimed, “Yes, yes, I’ll take all you have!”

When the passion of the moment passed, I did not need a fortune cookie to know I was going to be in big trouble with the wife, one tough cookie. Catching me with my hand in the cookie jar is serious business with her.

After all, 27 boxes of Girl Scout cookies are rather difficult to conceal, let alone explain. I was about to toss my cookies when an idea presented itself. What I needed was a good surefire excuse.

Excuses, which are a way of life for many people, have been around as long as mankind. In fact, it was the first man, Adam, who invented the pass-the-buck phenomenon for the benefit of all those who would follow him.

It occurred in the Garden of Eden, if you remember your Bible stories, just after Eve encountered the serpent, enticing her to eat of the forbidden fruit. Eve immediately baked an apple pie a la mode for Adam.

When God confronted Adam with the situation, Adam immediately said, “The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.” This, then, was the beginning of excuse-making to get out of a difficult situation.

Although a man may have invented excuse-making, it took a woman to develop it into an art form. Men, you see, are too literal and unsophisticated to develop a series of plausible excuses.

For example, a man will say, “Bob, my wife won’t let me go fishing with you next Sunday,” and it stops there. Nothing needs to be added, Bob knows exactly what the score is. After all, he has been there with his own wife.

Women feel compelled to introduce the element of emotion into every situation. Why is it that women are more gifted than men when it comes to making believable excuses? I certainly don’t know the answer, and that’s the only excuse I can think of at the moment.

Getting back to those Girl Scout cookies, I knew I needed to come up with some excuse or better yet, several excuses to explain why I bought 27 boxes of cookies when I’m not supposed to eat cookies.

Because I’m just a man, the only excuse I could come up with was “the Devil made me do it.”

Unfortunately, my wife did not accept that excuse and I immediately knew I was in trouble. Exasperated, my wife decided to help me come up with a list of viable excuses to use the next time Girl Scouts with cookies knock on the parsonage door.

Reasons I can’t buy cookies:

* My mother made me eat cookies when I was young.

* I only eat cookies at Christmas and Easter.

* I don’t believe in eating packaged cookies.

* I’m satisfied with watching people on TV eat cookies.

* I’m too busy to eat cookies. Try another time.

* I don’t have any good clothing to wear while eating cookies.

* I’m too old and cookies really are for the young.

* I don’t believe cookies really exist.

* I don’t eat cookies. I prefer donuts.

* I’m afraid the roof will fall in if I eat cookies.

* My wife and I cannot agree on which cookie we like.

To put it mildly, I was impressed with the growing list of excuses my wife was able to come up with in such a short period. It showed she had practiced this art form for many years. I never could have come up with such a list on my own.

As I studied my new list, I was certain I could face any Girl Scout in the future. My wife does not share my confidence and no longer permits me to answer the door when the Girl Scouts are on the prowl. She is worried any preconceived excuse would quickly dissolve at the first sight of those cookies.

What is an excuse? An excuse is a lie at both ends, held together by the glue of convenience.

For some people, a bad excuse is better than no excuse at all. These people spend their whole lives justifying everything they do or don’t do.

After this experience, I began to understand all the excuses people have given me over the years for not attending church. Whenever I approached the subject, they seemed ready with some excuse and usually backed by plenty of others if needed.

I now see they spent quality time devising these excuses that, to their thinking, got them off the hook.

All excuses seem quite ridiculous in light of what the Bible says. “Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another; and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching” (Hebrews 10:25).

Not all the excuses in the world will stand the test of eternity. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.

Cute Girl Tattoos – Where is the Fresh, Well Drawn Artwork?

There’s really no point to looking for cute girl tattoos if all you see is the same generic stuff. The sadder part is that this is occurring more often, because over 80% of you won’t even locate “one” website that has good, well drawn tattoo art. Most will just wander through the same cookie cutter images over and over again. I’ll tell you the easy way around this, though, so it’s easy once again to find good, cute girl tattoos right now.

There is a wrong path and a right path to start hunting for great tattoo artwork If you start doing it the wrong way, you’ll be brought to so many cookie cutter laced websites that your head will explode. If you start doing it the right way, you’re going to be rewarded with websites that really do take the effort to put up the best artwork possible. It’s that simple. Let me begin by telling you how to “not” look for cute girl tattoos.

You don’t want to use search engines. They are absolutely horrible at bringing you to the websites that actually have good artwork in their galleries. All they bring up are these copy cat type websites that always throw any and all generic junk they can find in their database. Search engines bring these pales up because they have tons of artwork, but what’s the point if every gallery of cute girl tattoos is the same cookie cutter stuff that thousands of other women have already used? That’s the scary part. Any generic design you see at that gallery has probably been inked on no less than 500 women.

Now that we have hat out of the way, let’s talk about the “right” way to look for cute girl tattoos. The right way is by using forums. Big forums to be exact. To put it bluntly, it’s the absolute best way to pull up so many of the hidden websites that have amazing artwork for your next tattoo. Big forums have huge archive section and inside of those archives are hundreds of past topics on various tattoo related subjects.

So many of them will have insider info, such as the websites where other women have uncovered truly great artwork. All it takes is a little browsing on your part and you can find so many tattoo galleries that have sensational cute girl tattoos, without having to weed through 900 pages of generic designs. That’s what it all comes down to.

There is an enormous different between quality drawn cute girl tattoos ad the same cookie cutter stuff that has been floating around for over 10 years.

Shrek Gingerbread Man Cookies and Crafts

GINGERBREAD MAN FOAM OR WOOD MAGNETS

Materials:

Light brown craft foam or craft wood in shape of gingerbread man

Acrylic paints – light brown, white, red, light blue and purple

Ribbon or Stick-on magnets

Method:

Using this Gingy picture as a guide, cut out brown craft foam in the shape of a gingerbread man. If you prefer, use craft wood in the shape of a gingerbread man and paint it light brown.

Using white paint, detail eyes, cuffs, and belt. Add blue eyebrows, red mouth, and purple buttons. (Of course you can use your own colors, but it won’t look exactly like our Gingy!) -Glue a ribbon to the top to make an ornament or a magnetic strip to make a magnet.

Gingerbread Man: Fire up the ovens, Muffin Man! We’ve got a big order to fill! [lightning flashes] IT’S ALIIIIVE!

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GINGERBREAD MAN “GINGY” COOKIES

1 cup shortening

1 cup sugar

1/2 tsp. salt

1 tbsp. ground cloves

2 tbsp. vinegar

5 cups all-purpose flour, sifted

1 1/2 tsp. baking soda

1 tbsp. ginger

1 tsp. cinnamon

1 cup molasses

1 egg

Thoroughly cream shortening, sugar, and salt. Stir in eggs, molasses, and vinegar. Beat well. Sift dry ingredients, stir into molasses mixture. Chill 3 hours.

On lightly floured surface, roll out to 1/8 inch thick. Use gingerbread boy and girl cookie cutters. Place on greased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for approximately 5 minutes. Decorate, using the Gingy picture as a guide. Makes 5 to 6 dozen, depending on size of cookie cutter.

Shrek: Do you still know the muffin man?

Gingerbread Man: He’s down on Drury Lane. Why?

Shrek: Because we’re gonna need flour. Lots and lots of flour.

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MAKE GINGY FROM PUMPKIN PLAYDOH

5 1/2 Cups Flour

2 Cups Salt

8 teaspoons Cream of Tartar

3 1/2 Cup Oil

1 1/2 ounces Pumpkin Pie Spice

Orange Food Coloring (2 parts yellow, 1 part red)

4 Cups Water

Mix all of the ingredients together. Cook and stir over medium heat until lumps disappear. Knead dough on a floured surface until smooth. Makes plenty for a group.

Gingerbread Man: Well, folks, it looks like we’re up chocolate creek without a popsicle stick!

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MAKE GINGY FROM PLAY CLAY

2 c. baking soda (1 lb.)

1 c. cornstarch

1 1/4 c. cold water

liquid food coloring of choice

Acrylic or poster paints

Varnish, shellac or clear nail polish (opt.)

Stir together baking soda and cornstarch in a saucepan. Add water and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly. When mixture is consistency of moist mashed potatoes, turn into a bowl and cover with a damp cloth. Let cool.

When Play Clay has cooled, it will have consistency of modeling clay. Use to form your Gingerbread Man. Unused Play Clay may be stored in a tightly sealed plastic bag in the refrigerator. Return to room temperature before using again.

Relatively flat items (1/8″ thick) should dry overnight. Thicker objects take longer to dry. To shorten drying time, place clay objects in 350 degree oven for 15 minutes. Watch closely so items do not crack.

Color may be added to clay in several ways. Add liquid food coloring to clay as it is being made or paint finished objects, after they’ve hardened and dried, with acrylic or poster paints.

Copyright 2005 Kids Party Paradise All Rights Reserved